I started writing rhymes in seventh grade Thinking I was made to drop bars and throw shade Went by the name of Koppa with a K Retroactively, I recognize that that was not okay See- diversity and empathy Were not things that were known to me So I stepped out my bubble, accepted I was wrong Switched my name to A-Fed and wrote joke songs But it wasn’t long before the joke was on me No comedian wants to book a rapping honky I tried to make a persona but it was plain to see I wouldn’t succeed until I was Fuhdesky So I went phonetic on my surname and my credit Properly reflected all the time I spent to get it I was motivated by the Beastie Boys when I started Now 20 years later, I’m ready to work harder I’m living and giving it what I got and first off I wanna give props to Eben Flow for this spot We started freestyling when we lived together I am grateful forever that he made me better I lacked the confidence in myself and needed help Knew I needed to make music but was stagnant on a shelf ‘Til I read the Artist’s Way and I was inspired To get my sh*t together and record before I die So I’m dropping Joke Advice as my first album Using this track to let you know where I’m comin’ from Not all the music that I make will be rap But these are joke songs and you’ll hear it on every track This is the product of me doing standup comedy Added with the attitude that music can set me free I played it all off like I was some joke But joking never filled my heart or invoked A sense of purpose, I was feeling worthless Thought “I don’t deserve this” Disdain pooling on the surface of my brain I started cursing every form of entertainment Thought I was too basic, but let’s face it I was complacent, not looking for my place Settling for peddling punchlines to the bass And drum beats that I made on GarageBand Some people loved it, and some didn’t give a damn I’ll never forget what Deacon Gray told me “You got good jokes but your raps are hokey” Well low key, he inspired me to give it up I wanna pursue an art where I cannot give a f*ck About repeating words every night to get ‘em right I’d rather do this than work on 5 until it’s tight I’m on my path, that’s how I feel Support me or not- that’s your deal cuz I been so hated that I’m jaded That my feeble mind can’t take it I had to take a step back, from comedy and rap Making people laugh was my mental trap I settled for giggles while I spit silly riddles But never headlined, only worked in the middle Or I’d open a show with my dope flow, but you know I hid behind laughs to protect my ego Now I’m bearing it all and sharing my music Starting with these joke raps for your amusement Every song that follows is shorter than this But I had to spit these bars so you know why I exist

Get silly Get, get, get silly Cuz you don’t want to live your life conforming That’d be a pity Get yourself loose in the head Let your brain juices do their best Try different voices while you try Different ways to walk and think of silly thoughts Pretend you’re ten years old Before the internet killed your soul You could roll down hills You didn’t need pills You used imagination to create your silly thrills Now grow up, be an adult and get silly Get silly Get, get, get silly Cuz you don’t want to live your life conforming That’d be a pity Now I’m a break it down to the brass tacks on this rap track Cuz the fact that when I act wack y’all contract giggles Means something in my rhythm influences optimism, right? So go on, put a smile on your face Open your eyes wide and look into space Throw your arms up and run in place If you’re not feeling silly, yo, you a disgrace Get silly

Rolling up to King Soopers ‘bout to save all kinds of money They spell it with two o’s, ha That’s kinda funny If you scoop Soops, you know they got hella coups Dropping top product in all the food groups Produce to the juice Use coups to reduce The overall cost of the food that you choose Ah-choo! Got a cold? To the pharmacy you roll Drink the Nyquil in the aisle, then take yourself a stroll To the bakery where everything is free Go nuts on the donuts and snatch a cookie You want a cheap deal for your next meal? Use the self-checkout (please don’t steal) Everything’s appealing like bananas and potatoes King Soops is a hot house like a tomato Hot damn! I just saved 39% Off my total order, now I can pay rent Yo, you probably got one in your neighborhood And I know it’s not the best, but I’d say it’s pretty good So lower your standards on organic See a 2 for 1 deal and you grab it Use the mobile app every Friday For a free download that’s my way To pay you back for listening to this crap I’m just trying to get sponsored by King Soopers- true that

Now, I’m about to spit some education Into your cranium about a nature relationship Between the birds and the bees The roots and the leaves I’m gonna talk about trees It all starts when a seed gets sown into the ground Put their branches up and throw their roots down Some will grow wide, some will grow tall And some will drop their leaves when it turns to fall These trees are called deciduous It would take too much energy them up So the leaves shut down production of chlorophyll Green leaves fade to red, orange, and yellow still The buds remain Those leaves come back again When spring hits and drops all the rain Photosynthesis is vital to our survival If you don’t respect trees, you’re living in denial When the leaves fall, the tree is dormant But it’s still alive and very important They keep the buds that sprout new leaves That’s how it goes with deciduous trees Now that we discussed deciduous I’mma talk about trees called coniferous See conifers are all evergreens They can keep their green needles for two to three Years, they don’t drop ‘em all at the same time ‘cuz needles take less energy to keep alive So 12 months a year, these trees are green But they will drop cones to disperse their seeds Get it? They got cones, they’re conifers White pine, blue spruce, and Douglas firs So if the seeds succeed at reproduction We’ll have a new crop of baby Christmas trees erupting Out from the forest floor to get the sun To take in CO2 and give off oxygen It’s a beautiful exchange giving life to our brains I love trees so much that I want to sing Each tree has its own set of traits From the branching to the bark to the shape that it takes Some produce fruit, some provide homes Some grow in groves while others stand alone Each tree’s important, whether dead or alive They give all they got to help fauna survive And the price of oxygen is far from free So next time you see one, go hug a tree

Booty booty booty booty- get it out in the air Booty booty booty booty- stick it out, derriere Booty booty booty booty- shake what's in between your hips Booty booty dip, swing, do that booty dip Now drop it, rock your booty down to the floor Rock it, drop your booty down real low Then pop it, to the top when you lock it And shake it all around 'til you make people nauseous Dip it, make that booty work You can do the booty dip even if you can't twerk This song ain't about dipping inside of a booty It's just about dipping yours C'mon do it with me, do it!

I’m a pepper growin’ MFer Pumpin’ peppers out every summer Yeah a pepper growing MFer My harvest is like no other I can grow ‘em big from seeds or a starter Raise my plants right, give ‘em lots of water I don’t got that drip irrigation Cuz I know ‘bout soil saturation Repel the pests without pesticides Give em balanced dirt and fertilize I built the raised beds in my garden Peppers are the best veggies by far and If you want a treat, my bananas are sweet My jalapeños bring the heat If you turn ya Scoville Heat Units to a milly Crunch on my ghost, but yo, I don’t get that silly You can ring for my bells or my Jimmy Nardells If you like ‘em mild, my shishitos are swell Use anaheims, hatch your green chili Think I’m running outta types of peppers? Really? Teeny pepperoncinis in your fettucine Grantin’ pepper wishes like a pepper genie Poblanos for your chile relleno Carolina Reapers burn like a volcano Hey… no, I didn’t forget habaneros So damn hot, they melt your bone marrow On the straight and narrow in rows they grow Fresnos next to guajillos If you want peppers, I’m supplying These bars are hotter than cayenne My harvest is like no other I’m a pepper growin’ MFer

Open mic comics make me wanna vomit Too much hope and not enough promise What are you doing? Is that an impression? Here’s a rhetorical suggestion Put in more work if you want support and Even if you do, no will think you’re important But If you’re thinking about quittin’, you’re already there Stop showing up and no one will care This town’s got enough jokesters, they don’t need you (true!) Half assing an art form so you can feel cool (you fool!) To clarify, more work doesn’t mean doing the same routine, not changing a thing I don’t mean to sound mean, but improve or leave Everyone watching wants you to quit You’re not funny and your jokes are sh*t So cross your name off the open mic list Go home and learn how to perform c*nn*l*ng*s Or f*ll*t**, whichever way you go I know that you’re no pro by the way that you write your jokes So why not spend some time on something that someone will like? Like the opposite of you on stage talking into a mic If you’re so vain, you think this song is about you Then be a self-fulfilling prophecy and make it come true You’re gonna need thick skin to not believe when I say again You should quit comedy for your sanity, my friend Quit doing stand up comedy Nobody likes you and you’re not funny You’re hack, you’re wack, you talk smack but you lack Originality in your delivery to profit off your act Be unique or die trying- if you don’t reinvent the game Then what are you supplying as a legacy to your name? Either push yourself to get better or get out of the way The real test: can you do it ‘til death? If not, then quit today